So I finally did it… I had my first fitness assessment post having a baby.
I did not want to do it and I held off for 11 weeks. I was scared to know the real numbers.
Anybody else scared of an assessment?
I want to share with you the feelings you may not know are inside all of us, yes even from a person who owns a fitness business. I am not immune to fat gain, LOL!
Several of you know our story of how our son Leo was born.
In short, I went in on a Wednesday because my water had broken; I was 41 weeks and 4 days into our pregnancy. Our due dates had come and gone!
I was unsuccessful at getting active labor started – and when your water breaks first you are put on a timer (24 hours) to deliver your baby. This is because your risk for infection increases. (I did get the infection.)
Therefore, I had to begin going through several different methods to get my labor started. This threw my whole natural, water birth plan completely out the window. Finally, I went into active labor, but it was back labor and found out after 40 some hours I was only 1 cm! So I signed up for more interventions and I did not respond well.
There were some pretty tense moment in the early hours of July 8, but thankfully we started making progress and 2 hours of pushing, 55 total hours later, Leo was born.
…But he was born unresponsive.
Thankfully they were able to get him breathing within minutes and he fought his vent within the hour.
We spent 10 days in the NICU and I never left his side.
We finally were able to go home and were cleared of all major issues. Leo just needed a few days to clear the water in his lungs and the doctors think he potentially should have stayed in longer.
In my postpartum visits, I asked why I did not have a C-Section and I did not realize this then, but the doctors were unsure if I would make it. What? Excuse me? “…the doctors were unsure if I would make it.” It really started to sink in that my labor was not even close to normal. They said with how my vitals kept jumping up and down, I kept going into tachycardia; it was not in the best interest.
At this point, I started to accept that even though my labor was nowhere close to what I had envisioned, the outcome was still the same. I am so thankful for my caregivers at Methodist, they were amazing.
So finally at home, we started getting into our routine; I would put him in the stroller and push him down to the studio. I tried to jog, but I did not feel right.
I kept asking myself, should I still be in this kind of pain, are these night sweats normal, am I supposed to bleed like this? (Sorry TMI!)
Then, 6 days after being home I was doubled over the bed screaming for Tony. He rushed me to the hospital (thankfully we had family visiting at that time and they could stay with Leo).
I found out I had developed a secondary infection and had to stay in the hospital for 2.5 days of intravenous antibiotics. Being separated from my baby was the worst.
I remember standing in the shower looking down at my body.
For several of you, you may have watched me on Facebook post my weekly update through pregnancy. I lifted all the way up to 41 weeks! I felt as amazing as 41 weeks could feel!
But, when I looked down in the shower I saw legs I did not recognize. I stood there with the water pouring over me and I just cried. I had lost all my lean tissue, all the hard work had been eaten up by the stress and infections. Then add a postpartum, fluffy belly (you still look 5 months pregnant) and the tears just kept coming!
This took a huge toll on me. I went from being in the best shape of my life, conceiving, thankfully still working out all through pregnancy…to a body I did not even recognize.
I was struggling, mentally and physically. I could hardly carry the car carrier.
When I was finally cleared and I started getting active again. It was humbling.
I was starting all over and honestly this would be the worst shape I have personally ever been in. My abs had partially separated and I had to really watch not going too hard to fast.
My personality is going full throttle at everything. So I have had to step back and embrace getting myself back in good shape and health in a safe and effective way.
The reason I share all this with you is we all struggle and dislike assessments. Right now if you would look at me you would say, “You don’t even look like you had a baby.” Then I am sure my reply will be ‘but you haven’t seen what’s hidden under the clothes.’
From doing the assessment I know how much extra fat tissue I am carrying and it bothers me. I also know how much lean tissue I have lost. But with consistent effort, I do know I can and will get myself back. It will take time.
We are all works in progress and we need to give ourselves time and consistency. I write that saying it to you, but I am really saying it to myself. I will triumph over all of this but I have to trust the process.
I want you to know if you are struggling, you are not alone. We are all on a journey, some longer than others, some paths are curvy and winding, while others are straighter and shorter. We tend to look at others and say they have it all together, but they really don’t.
When you look at someone else who you think has it all perfect, ask them about the journey. If they are honest they will tell you about the struggle. It doesn’t matter if it is their health, career, relationship…we all have struggled in some fashion but it’s how we pulled each step together day after day and triumphed that matters!
Keep pushing forward day after day; it will be worth it in the end! It is all about consistency.
As always if you need help, reach out. Request a Free Consultation! We look forward to helping you!